


Family Mis-Planning

by KrisLetang



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, F/M, Fatherhood, Makeup, Post-Break Up, Reunions, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisLetang/pseuds/KrisLetang
Summary: Barba returns after almost a year away from home, shocked to find out that Olivia Benson has taken a leave of absence. In his concern, he goes to find out why, and is shocked by what he walks into.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49
Collections: Barson Valentine's Day Collection 2021





	Family Mis-Planning

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was: "Liv is pregnant (by Barba of course- he doesn’t know), he returns home (she never told him or they hadn’t kept in touch or whatever the writer wants) and when he goes to see her, she’s in labor and there’s not enough time to get her to the hospital and he delivers the baby. Happy ending if possible."

“And?” Liv didn’t want to hope to hear an  _ I love you _ , not when she knew the universe would never let her be that happy. Even though they’d broken down and slept together in a moment of weakness the night before, even though they’d been pining over eachother for six long years, even though she saw the love shining in his eyes, she wouldn’t let herself hope. Beyond the love, intermixed in the beautiful green that she loved so much was pain and hurt, and she knew what he was going to say before he said it. 

“I’ve got to move on.” Those four words broke her heart, and she felt numb as he kissed her forehead and left her standing there in the street in tears. The one man that she thought she’d never lose walked away from her right out of her life. She didn’t know how she’d ever love again. 

……………………..

He looked out the rain streaked window of the taxi, eyeing the grey sky backing the grey outline of the city he’d once considered his home. It didn’t quite feel like home anymore, but somehow it always would be; his mother was here, his family and all of his friends, and Olivia was here, but he didn’t think he could consider her his safe place anymore. He’d seen the hurt on her face, deep in the dark brown eyes that he loved so much. 

Her eyes haunted him almost as much as the memory of his trial and the little boy whose life had ended. His heart ached every moment of every day, but he was doing his best to push through the pain. He’d never been one to wallow, and even though he’d spent five long months trying his best, he’d finally gotten back to work despite his best efforts. Now he found himself back in the city he called home for most of his life. 

Rita was meeting him for lunch. She’d finally gotten over the fact that he didn’t enlist her to be his defense attorney at the trial, and she told him in no uncertain terms that he’d better buy her dinner the next time they saw each other. She’d picked the restaurant and he was buying, celebrating really. He was newly employed. 

He finally made it to the restaurant, following the host to the table. Rita was waiting for him. “Barba, nice of you to finally show up,” she said. “I almost thought you were going to stand me up and make me buy my own lunch.” 

“And subject myself to an eternity of your wrath? I’m not an idiot, Rita,” he said. 

“I beg to differ,” she replied, looking over her menu. He rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help smiling to himself. Rita was a familiar comfort, a constant in his life in one form or another since law school. 

They ordered their food and talked for a little while before he managed to build up the courage to ask what he’d been wondering since he got back to the city. “How’s Olivia?” 

Rita peered at him over the rim of her wine glass. “Benson?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you be telling me? You said the two of you slept together eight months ago.” He glared. Telling Rita about his love life was always a mistake. “I heard she took a leave of absence. I haven’t seen her around. Sergeant Tutuola has been in charge.” Rafael’s stomach was suddenly in knots. 

“What do you mean a leave of absence?” he asked, setting his fork down. 

“How should I know?” Rita asked. “She’s  _ your _ girlfriend. I swear to God, Barba, sometimes I wonder how you got into Harvard.” 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he said sullenly. 

“And whose fault is that?” Rita commented, taking another sip from her wine glass. He glared but stabbed his fork through a noodle. 

It wasn’t his business to worry anymore. He’d given up that right when he walked away from her on the street and broke both of their hearts.

………………………….

He’d told himself he wasn’t going to do it. He’d told himself he was just going for a walk. But somehow his walk had placed him right by Olivia’s apartment. He stood on the street indecisively. He knew he shouldn’t. He knew it was poor decision making and it wasn’t fair to pry into her life. 

He went in anyways. Her doorman knew him and let him in. He hesitated by her door, hands shoved in his pockets. She had every right to hate him.

He finally knocked but there was no answer. He wondered if she was even home. He knocked again. He was about to leave when the door opened. He saw Noah’s curly mop of hair before he registered that it was the boy. “Uncle Rafa?” Noah asked warily. “What are you doing here?” 

“I was in the city. I thought I’d come say hi. Is your mom home?” He asked. Noah bit his lip. 

“I dunno if I should let you in,” Noah said. “She's crying.” Rafael’s heart clenched. 

“Is she okay?” He asked. Noah shrugged. 

“She told me it was normal, but she hasn’t come out of her bedroom in awhile. I was gonna call Aunt Amanda soon. Usually she stays with me until Mom is okay,” Noah said. Rafael wasn’t sure what to make of any of it. 

“Noah, how about you let me in and I’ll check on her,” he said. Noah considered for a few long moments before he finally nodded. He let Rafael into the apartment, shutting the door. 

“She said not to worry,” Noah said. “But I can’t help it.” 

“You said she’s in the bedroom?” Rafael asked. Noah nodded. “How about you sit down and I’ll put on a movie and you trust me that I will take care of your mom, okay?” Noah nodded again. He helped Noah get settled on the couch before he hurried back to Olivia’s bedroom, too worried to stop and think about it. 

He could hear through the door just slightly and at first he thought she was crying like Noah said, but it didn’t exactly sound like crying. He frowned, knocking. She didn’t say anything so he cracked the door. “Olivia? It’s Barba.” 

He heard her let out a soft noise that sounded pained. “Are you okay?” 

“Not really,” she said softly. 

“Can I come in?” He asked, still unsure of what he was walking into. 

“Fuck,” she swore softly. “You’d better come in now.” There was a new edge of panic to her voice. He went inside, stopping as soon as he reached the bed. Liv was laying there, her body swollen and visibly pregnant, and he didn’t know what to say or how to react. He blinked, moving closer to her side. “What the hell are you doing here?” she asked him. 

“I--” he started to say, but she cut him off, grabbing him by the front of his shirt. 

“Never mind that,” she said. “This baby is coming now. Get down here and help me.” He stared at her with wide eyes before he forced himself into motion. 

“Did your water break?” He asked. 

“A minute ago,” she said, face scrunched up in discomfort. 

“I’m going to open the door and call for an ambulance. I’ll be right back. Don’t push,” he said. He rushed back out to the door, unlocking it and leaving it slightly open. Noah looked at him from the couch. 

“Noah,” he said softly. “Do you have any neighbors who watch you sometimes when your mom is busy?” 

“Sometimes I play with AJ. He lives across the hall. Mom let me sleep over there one time,” Noah said. 

“Alright, I want you to go collect a few things from your room. You’re going to go to AJ’s until Aunt Amanda can pick you up. I have to help your mom,” he said. 

“Can I talk to her? Please, please, please? I’m scared, Uncle Rafa,” Noah said. Rafael sighed. He knocked on the bedroom door. He could hear Liv’s soft cries, and he didn’t want to frighten Noah too much. 

“Liv, Noah wants to say goodbye. I’m taking him to AJ’s really quickly,” Rafael said through the door. Liv let Noah come in, and Rafael took that moment to call 911. 

It took him a few moments to relay everything to the operator and to get Noah safely across the hall, and when he returned to the room, Liv looked miserable. She was curled up on her side, clutching at a pillow, her face pressed into the bed sheets. Rafael had an armful of clean towels and a blanket. “Okay, I’m back.” 

“Rafa, please,” she sobbed softly, and that sent a dagger through his heart. 

“I’m here. Tell me what you need. I’ve got you,” he whispered, climbing onto the bed with her. 

“It’s too early,” she sobbed, “He’s not supposed to come for another month. I didn’t think it was actually time. I thought it was false labor.” 

“Shhh,” he whispered, helping her ease onto her back. “Lift your hips. The paramedics are on their way. He’s going to be okay. I promise.” She did as he asked, and he slipped a towel under her. “We need to take these pants off, okay?” She nodded, helping him the best she could. 

“I need to push, Rafa,” she said, grabbing for him. 

“They said to breathe. Just try to keep breathing. You don’t want to push until the paramedics get here,” he said, taking her hand. 

“Rafael, I have to push, I can’t…” she whispered. His hands were shaking. This was an emergency. 

“Okay, when you feel the urge, you want to push with the contraction for ten seconds. I need to watch for the baby to start crowning,” he said, trying to keep track of everything they’d told him on the phone. They’d wanted him to stay on the line but his phone had died while he was washing his hands and getting the supplies he needed, and he didn’t have time to find Olivia’s. He draped a towel over her enough to give her some privacy when help arrived, but not enough that he couldn’t see. He was terrified but he had to be strong for Olivia. 

He did his best, coaching her through breathing and pushing, but he was out of his depth. Everything was happening so quickly, and she was in pain and asking him for help. All he could do was try his best to deliver her baby safely. 

When he saw the head crowning, he barely kept himself from passing out, guiding the baby out the best he could. All things considered, he was glad the birth was uncomplicated as he cradled the tiny baby boy in a clean towel. He wasn’t breathing at first, and Barba tried not to panic and to follow the instructions he’d been given over the phone. He rubbed the baby’s back firmly. “Rafa?” Liv asked, and he could hear the fear in her voice. “Is he okay? Please, he has to be okay.” He rubbed harder, finally letting out a sigh of relief as the baby cried for the first time. He laid the little boy on Liv’s belly, careful not to pull the cord taught. 

“I’m going to see if the paramedics are here. Just rest,” he said. He stood, washing his hands again before going to the door. He let the paramedics in as they arrived, leading them back to the bedroom. Liv looked lethargic, and they seemed concerned, wrapping the baby to warm him the best they could. He stayed next to Olivia, holding her hand as they tried to get her on a stretcher. She was fading, and the grey tint to her face made his stomach turn. Something was wrong. 

“Rafa,” she whispered. “I don’t feel well.” 

“I know, honey, they’re going to take care of you,” he promised. 

“I didn’t name him yet,” she said, and his heart ached. She started to try and sit up and look for him. They let her hold him again, and she seemed to calm down for a moment. 

“We’re going to cut the cord. We need to get moving right now,” the paramedic said. 

“You’ll have time to name him later,” Rafael assured her, alarmed by their tone of voice and Liv’s appearance. “Just hold him now. Everything is going to be okay. I promise.” He brushed a sweaty lock of hair away from her eyes. He began to panic when she started to close them. 

“I can’t--I can’t hold on,” she whispered, reaching a hand out to grab his arm tightly. “Take care of….take care of our son.” Rafael’s brain was going a mile a minute, and he was sure that he looked like a deer in headlights as he stood there next to her. He could barely hear the paramedic saying that she was bleeding over the roaring in his ears. This was  _ his _ son.  _ Their  _ son. He held his son in the ambulance as they focused on Olivia. The biggest worry about the baby was getting him to the hospital and into an incubator. 

He felt numb, sitting there and trying to keep his son warm in the special blankets they had. Liv was still unconscious and he was facing the terrifying reality that in an hour's time, he could go from being single and alone to being a single father responsible for a baby and for Noah, and that thought terrified him. 

He couldn’t lose Olivia. He loved her with all of his heart. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do and a lot of apologizing, but in one form or another, they were connected now for a lifetime. They had a family together. 

……………………………………….

Rafael was sitting in the hospital nursery, holding the baby. He was waiting for news about Olivia. His son was fine. He was on the small side, but his body temperature had come up quickly once they made it to the hospital. “Hola, papito,” he whispered. “I didn’t know about you until today, but now that I do, I love you very much. I’m staying now with you and with your Mami. She loves you so much. I can see it in her eyes. And you have a big brother, Noah. You’re a lucky kid. Even though you’re stuck with me, you have so much support from everywhere else.” 

“Mr. Barba.” He was startled by the nurse at the door. “Olivia is awake. She was asking to see you. She’s weak, and she needs to rest.” 

“Is she out of the woods?” Rafael asked. 

“It’s touch and go tonight,” the nurse said. “They think the bleeding is under control though.” 

“Okay, thank you. Can I um, can I bring him with?” he asked, standing up. He didn’t want to let go of his son. 

“Of course. I’m sure she’d like to spend some time with him,” the nurse replied, leading him out of the nursery and all the way to Olivia’s room. He was nervous to see her, to really talk now that they’d survived the disaster he walked into. He hesitated just a moment before he went in the room, the baby cradled in his arms. 

Olivia was laying in bed, and she certainly looked weak, but she was awake. “Hey,” he said softly, coming closer to the bed. She looked at him fondly. 

“Hey,” she said back. 

“Um, I thought you might want to see him,” Rafael said, and she nodded, reaching for their son. He laid the baby on her chest. “He’s beautiful.” 

“I’m glad you’re back,” she said softly, running her hand down their son’s back and through his hair. “Thank you for everything you did. I didn’t realize I was in labor. It all happened so quickly. And for getting Noah to Amanda. She called to let the nurse know to tell me she had him.” 

“I texted her a little while ago,” Rafael said. “You can use my phone if you want to talk to him. I charged it in the nursery.” 

“In a little bit,” she said. “I think we need to give him a name.” 

“We?” Rafael asked. 

“We have a lot to talk about, but he’s yours too,” Olivia said. “I was hoping you’d come home.” 

“You could’ve called me,” he said softly, sitting on the edge of her bed. 

“You changed your number,” Liv replied, and he swallowed heavily. 

“Right. The threats,” he said. “My mom and I had to...we were getting calls and death threats. I didn’t even think about it. Listen, leaving you was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I don’t know how I will ever make it up to you. I’m never running again. Not from you or our family. You don’t have to take me back now, but I want to try if you’ll let me.” 

“I need some time to think about all of this,” Olivia said, and he understood that. “About you and me, but you can come see the baby whenever you’d like. You’re always welcome.” 

“Will you let me take you out to dinner? In maybe a month, and we can try and talk about us,” he said. “After you’ve had some time.” 

“That sounds fair,” she said. She looked down at their son again, finally able to hold him and love him. She’d been waiting eight long months for him. “Is there anything you’d like to name him?” She asked. “I hadn’t settled on anything yet.” Rafael moved from the bed, sitting down in the chair beside and looking at him again. 

“Maybe...Luca,” he said softly. “It reminds me of my mom’s name.” 

“Luca,” Liv said, still watching the baby. “I like that. Luca Benson-Barba.” His chest swelled with warmth at the sound of his last name. 

“What were you thinking?” He asked her. “He needs a middle name.” 

“I asked Dodds if it was okay if I used Michael,” she said softly. Rafael put a comforting hand on her shoulder, thinking about their fallen coworker for a moment. It was a nice sentiment. 

“Luca Michael Benson-Barba,” he said, smiling softly. “I think we just named our baby.” She smiled back. “Let’s get his brother over here. He’s going to be excited.” 

“Rafa,” Liv said as he pulled out his phone. 

“Hm?” He asked. 

“I’m glad you’re home.” 

“Me too.” 


End file.
